I discovered long ago that people are always doing the best they know how to do at the time, although it may not be the best in hindsight or from an observor's point of view.
Satir, in Conjoint FamilyTherapy, p. 147
This is quite a radical statement, no? Do you agree? Does this apply to all of us, as we "err" through life?
The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.
- Daniel Goleman, Vital Lies, Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception
Man’s freedom has roots that are in his very nature as man. It cannot be totally eradicated by circumstances, no matter how severely it is stifled under the stiff iron mesh of neurotic patterns. However, we may also use the expression “free, unique personality” to indicate the person in the fullness of being, when he has reached the top level of freedom. His freedom is such that he is able to give complete fulfillment to each of the facts that go toward making up his personality. His freedom stretches so widely into all corners of his life that he is able to turn each obstacle or adversity into a positive personal value. In freedom, he becomes able to experience his very illnesses in such a way that they help him grow.
– Adrian Van Kaam, The Art of Existential Counseling (p. 52)
When people are in need or are having some kind of
problem, their manifestation of themselves - the way they look and sound and talk - can be pretty ugly, pretty beautiful, or pretty painful. Underneath all this I see the living human who, I feel, would use himself or herself differently if he or she were in touch with the life that he or she is and has. So with every human being that I encounter, I mentally take off his or her outside and try to see the inside, which is the piece of the self that I call self-worth or self-esteem, and to which I have given the affectionate name "pot." This "pot" is searching for some way of manifesting itself, and I meet a person with that awareness. There is in the person that which probably he or she
has not touched. That person not only hasn't touched it-he or she doesn't even know it's there. I know it's there. This conviction in me is so strong that it is a given for me. I never ask if that person has life; I ask only how it can be touched.
- Satir, Conjoint Family Therapy (p. 246)
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